Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
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You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You did what with his pubic hair?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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