I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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