He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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