The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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