I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
