is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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