2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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