you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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