she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Are my feet made of real feet?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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