Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
