plz talk dirty to me
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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