I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
