He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
