I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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