Cold hands, warm shart.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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