I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
