why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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