i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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