There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
