South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
