did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
