Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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