he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
