my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize