Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize