chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize