So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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