I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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