That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
