Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
