literally had 100 drinks last night.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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