Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
