I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
