she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You don't make any sense
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