Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
