You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
