I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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