Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
