the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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