why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize