Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
