Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
