I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
