Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
