So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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