So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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