bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
