oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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