cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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