watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Pants are for mortals
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
