My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
