Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
