wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There's always time for handjobs
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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