The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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