I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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