My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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