Jerry, you need to find god
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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