after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
