it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
