ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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