I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize